This is something I stumbled upon while hopping through several blogs. I'm re-posting it because I feel it succinctly captures what the University is all about. To those who have the luxury of relating, I'm pretty sure you will nod your head in agreement.

The Value of the UP Experience
by Maya Baltazar Herrera
(First published 6 July 2008 in the Manila Standard Today)

There are no children here.

This week, I went to a meeting at the UP School of Economics and I came away with renewed belief in the value of the UP experience.

If you speak to anyone from UP – student, professor, alumnus - you will get no Latin slogans or apologies about how the school teaches values in spite of its outward materialism. This is not a student population that thinks about basketball games or memorizes school songs. This is not a school that chooses one statement to drill into the minds of its students.

This is not, of course, to say that UP does not care about values. It is that UP, in its own inimitable way, believes that values cannot be force-fed. The statue of the naked man that guards the entrance to the campus in Diliman best represents UP's approach to all education and the respect for students that is the center of its educational philosophy. All who come to
this university, regardless of origin, bring themselves naked, carrying nothing but their thirst; like the proverbial empty teacup, making an offering of self, waiting to be filled.

Adults

For many students from private schools, the first lesson that is learned here is that this is a school for adult education. There are no children here, and that is why no parents are allowed either at freshman orientation or during enlistment.

The spirit of the oblation lies not in a mother or a father offering up his child to the world, it is that of the newly adult, freely offering of his self.

I remember quite vividly that moment that drove home how different the UP education continues to be. It was my daughter's first semester in university and she had invited a group of her high school friends to our house. One of them asked a classmate whether she had gotten her parents permission form approved for that weekend's outreach activity. From the
UP population around the table came the mock horrified responses of: "Permission? " and "Outreach?"

I thought about it and realized that all of these students were, in fact, legally adults. I thought it interesting that only the UP students appeared to appreciate this fact.

Even more interesting was the "outreach" comment. I think back to my own university years and the last three years that my daughter has been in UP and am certain there is no lack of civic activity. There are medical missions, house building projects, tree planting, community work and barrio work and so on. I realize now that the reaction was not to the activity as
much as it was to the use of the word.

One of the most important differences of the UP campus from all the other campuses my children considered going to is that this campus has no walls. Many parents fear this. They are afraid their precious children will not be protected from the ills of society in a campus that is so open to the rest of the world.

But UP is open to the world in more ways than just not having the physical walls.

Community

Being in UP means much more than being a student. This campus is enmeshed in a community. This community is made up not only of the transient population of students who go home each night. It includes the many, many students who lay their heads on dorm pillows each night, enduring time away from families in the firm belief that this campus will bring them closer to their dreams. This community includes the families of faculty and employees who live on campus. It also includes the many people who work not for the University, but nevertheless work on campus. This community includes the lady who remembers the brand of cigarette you smoke and automatically hands it to you in the morning. It includes the gentleman who remembers you like pepper on your egg sandwich or the one who knows you will dip your fish balls into two of his sauces, who patiently waits for you to eat your three
sticks before being paid. It includes the woman who saw all her children through college by selling peanuts every day on campus.

To a UP student, the daily heartbeat of the school is never far away from the realities of the country. The word outreach suggests that civic activity is something outside of the normal, something you do once in a while. It must be immensely difficult to think of community as a thing apart when your campus experience brings you face to face with all of the world's realities every day.

Character

All of this probably explains that unmistakable sense of self that you will find from students who come from this campus.

Here is a campus where all have the same opportunities to learn. But also, here is a campus that will give all the same opportunities to fail. There are no guidance counselors who will chase after you because you have been skipping classes. The attitude this university takes is that you must take the initiative – for learning, for seeking help, for realizing you need help.

That is not to say that no help exists. But it is help that is not forced upon you.

This is a university rich in both introspection and conversation. On this campus, the student is constantly exposed to people – faculty, administrators, community members, other students – who care deeply and passionately about the world. The conversations are almost never purely cerebral. A single graph can provoke comments about government policy and its effects on people.

As a result, UP is home to a student population that looks at the world and cares. It is easy to see pictures of protesting students and dismiss it as radicalism. But there are few campuses in this country where students go beyond a passing curiosity about what is happening in the world beyond their own lives. There are even fewer universities where students not only care but also actually believe they have a responsibility to make a difference – not in some hazy future – today.

And that, I believe, is what truly forges character. Character is not molded by speeches or long classes in ethics or theology. Character grows from within. It begins by being handed the keys to your own self and being told you are in charge; you now have power over yourself and your own actions – and with that power, you take on responsibilities.

Each student in this university goes through his own unique voyage of discovery. On his voyage, as he decides what he cares about, what he will fight for and what he will sacrifice, he crafts his own personal values. That is what education is truly about.


The essay can also be found on the official website of Prof. Maya Baltazar Herrera, which you can read here.

Determined Realists like to bear responsibility and welcome challenges. They are stable, reliable persons. External contacts are very important to them; they mix well and are very active. They are excellent organisers and are very happy when things are done correctly and punctually; they can quickly react impatiently if others are not as conscientious, orderly and dutiful as they are. They prefer structured work which produces visible results quickly to abstract, long-drawn-out processes. Determined Realists have no problem with routine as long as it serves efficiency. However, they very much dislike unexpected and unpredictable occurrences which mess up their careful plans. Once they have committed themselves to a cause they do this with dedication and are willing to make considerable sacrifices for it.

Determined Realists do not avoid conflicts and criticism but face up to them and look for solutions. As they have a keen eye for the errors and shortcomings of others and are often quick at expressing criticism, they sometimes rub people up the wrong way especially when they lose their temper and jump to conclusions. Due to their marked sense of justice they are quickly willing to correct themselves and never take offence if someone speaks to them frankly. You do not have to seek hidden motives with them; you always know where you are. Determined Realists are often found in executive positions as they combine commitment, competence and the ability to assert themselves. In their spare time, they often also accept responsibility in clubs and other institutions.

Traditions rate highly with Determined Realists. They attend every family event and never forget a birthday or wedding anniversary. Family and friends are very important to them. With their open, communicative manner, they find it easy to get to know people and have a large circle of friends and acquaintances. They are never superficial, but reliable and loyal friends who are always there when they are needed. Determined Realists take their relationships very seriously - they dream of finding a partner for life. In a love relationship, they seek above all stability and loyalty and here, too, they are willing to invest a lot in a harmonious togetherness. Determined Realists master crises or difficult phases with composure; they would never think of breaking a promise given. As a partner, one can always rely on their support.

Adjectives which describe your type

extroverted, practical, logical, planning, direct, structured, conscientious, responsible-minded, self-confident, critical, honest, orderly, reliable, controlled, objective, able to concentrate, resolved, purposeful, communicative, with a sense of duty, tradition-conscious, stable, able to deal with conflicts, solution-oriented, relationship-oriented, efficient, impatient, warm-hearted, competition-oriented

These subjects could interest you

clubs, associations, going out, sport, travel, music, trekking, camping, hiking, cooking, handicrafts, nature, strategy games, politics

Bagong pampalipas oras: HolgaNizer.Net. To give camwhorage an old skool vibe. Nifty!

GARY COLEMAN:
Right now you are down and out and feeling really crappy

NICKY:
I'll say.

GARY COLEMAN:
And when I see how sad you are
It sort of makes me...
Happy!

NICKY:
Happy?!

GARY COLEMAN:
Sorry, Nicky, human nature-
Nothing I can do!
It's...
Schadenfreude!
Making me feel glad that I'm not you.

NICKY:
Well that's not very nice, Gary!

GARY COLEMAN:
I didn't say it was nice! But everybody does it!

D'ja ever clap when a waitress falls and drops a tray of glasses?

NICKY:
Yeah...

GARY COLEMAN:
And ain't it fun to watch figure skaters falling on their asses?

NICKY:
Sure!

GARY COLEMAN:
And don'tcha feel all warm and cozy,
Watching people out in the rain!

NICKY:
You bet!

GARY COLEMAN:
That's...

GARY AND NICKY:
Schadenfreude!

GARY COLEMAN:
People taking pleasure in your pain!

NICKY:
Oh, Schadenfreude, huh?
What's that, some kinda Nazi word?

GARY COLEMAN:
Yup! It's German for "happiness at the misfortune of others!"

NICKY:
"Happiness at the misfortune of others." That is German!

Watching a vegetarian being told she just ate chicken

GARY COLEMAN:
Or watching a frat boy realize just what he put his dick in!

NICKY:
Being on the elevator when somebody shouts "Hold the door!"

GARY AND NICKY:
"No!!!"
Schadenfreude!

GARY COLEMAN:
"Fuck you lady, that's what stairs are for!"

NICKY:
Ooh, how about...
Straight-A students getting Bs?

GARY COLEMAN:
Exes getting STDs!

NICKY:
Waking doormen from their naps!

GARY COLEMAN:
Watching tourists reading maps!

NICKY:
Football players getting tackled!

GARY COLEMAN:
CEOs getting shackled!

NICKY:
Watching actors never reach

GARY AND NICKY:
The ending of their Oscar speech!
Schadenfreude!
Schadenfreude!
Schadenfreude!
Schadenfreude!

GARY COLEMAN:
The world needs people like you and me who've been knocked around by fate.
'Cause when people see us, they don't want to be us, and that makes them feel great.

NICKY:
Sure!
We provide a vital service to society!

GARY AND NICKY:
You and me!
Schadenfreude!
Making the world a better place...
Making the world a better place...
Making the world a better place...
To be!

GARY COLEMAN:
S-C-H-A-D-E-N-F-R-E-U-D-E!

(Yes, Rina, the title is in reference to your favorite show, which, unfortunately, I have not gotten around to watching yet.)

Towards the end of 2007, I wrote a post that reminded me of why I loved my (former) job. One of the things that I loved about my past life was that it allowed me to do something that has meaning --- one that would help others, one that could change this society. Lofty as those sound, it still rings true for anyone who wants to see real change and for anyone who helps contribute to actual change.

I write it as if it's an easy feat to accomplish --- it sure hell isn't. Change-makers always have to have dogged determination and bucketloads of patience. Take for example the Renewable Energy Bill. It has been pending in Congress for nearly 19 years now, and still, it continues to be in danger of being lost in the shuffle of congressional investigations and the sheer backlog of other priority bills (and still we keep singing along to Sam Cooke's "A Change is Gonna Come").

So here's my contribution once again to the cause. If I can make you at least aware of what the RE Bill is and why it is badly needed in this country, then I can at least proudly say that there is one more person whose awareness level on the issue has increased. Think of it as your social consciousness as we celebrate World Environment Day on June 5.

What is the RE Bill?
In a nutshell, the RE Bill is a pieace of legislation that calls for more aggressive development of the Philippines' renewable energy sources. These include solar energy, wind energy, ocean energy, biomass, and geothermal energy (shoutouts to Tim on this). These energy sources are clean, sustainable, and, well, renewable --- and the Philippines has an abundance of these sources.

Why should the passage of the RE Bill matter to me?
It should matter to you because you live at a time where there is much concern over the world's energy security, not to mention the looming concern over climate change. You can say that your generation has greater awareness on what's going on in the world today, yet you still have to claim that you have helped make a positive impact on your world.

The passage of the RE Bill directly supports the government's goal of 60% energy self-sufficiency by 2010. Still, the country remains to be largely dependent on imported energy, and we are significantly affected by the volatility of oil prices. The high cost of energy has a negative impact on the Philippines' growth in numerous ways. For one, uncompetitive power rates create an environment that is unfriendly to investments, which result in loss of potential job opportunities. Prices of goods also increase, which essentially makes local products less competitive in the world market. If the RE Bill is passed, it provides a long-term response to the country's huge oil import bill. Renewable sources of energy are not susceptible to supply interruptions, price fluctuations, or market manipulation.

Moreover, the passage of the RE Bill is hinged on an environmental imperative. The continued use of fossil fuels for power production is a major cause of air pollution, water pollution, land degradation, and global warming. The cost of pollution in this country is high --- we spend billions and billions of pesos for medical care, deaths, lost wages, and whatnot for diseases brought about by pollution. Going beyond that, the continued use of fossil fuels contributes to what we have come to know as "global warming". Apart from the extreme heat, the adverse impacts of climate change include erratic shifts in rainfall and wind patterns (I'm sure we're all aware of that --- storms in April?), significant increases in sea levels, and disastrous, deadly storms.

So what's happening now?
Both the Senate and the House of Representatives have yet to tackle the RE Bill once again. In the Senate, the RE Bill is nearing second reading approval, while in the House, the bill is nearing approval by the Committees on Energy, Ways and Means, and Appropriations. Knowing how easily sidetracked our Legislative becomes when it comes to salient issues, we just have to keep praying that they'll tackle this long-pending priority bill once again. Come to think of it, with so much talk on the steady increase of oil prices (do not even get me started on how all my money goes into gas for my car) and the dastardly impacts of climate change, it's high time that this government --- and this country --- gives the RE Bill the attention that it rightly deserves.

I want to know more. What do I do?
This blog entry may have already sounded like a long-drawn lecture from me, so I suggest that you drop by the Greenbelt 3 concierge anytime from June 9 until June 11, 2008, where the Renewable Energy Coalition will be participating in an exhibit for World Environment Day. There you'll get to know more about this advocacy and meet people who are truly passionate about changing this world.

"After years of living in the city, I assumed that if my friends and I ever got our fairy tale endings that would be the end of the story. But real life -- always has a twist." -Carrie Bradshaw

That perhaps best captures what Sex and the City: The Movie is all about. It picks up where the series ended in 2004, when Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte, and Samantha seemingly got their fairy tale endings. Of course, if it was all about fairy tale endings, then we wouldn't have an emotional rollercoaster of a movie. I honestly thought that the movie was an extension of the series, quite like watching five episodes straight... and more. The movie makes us laugh louder, gush at men who give the perfect walk-in closets, tear up more at the heartbreaks, and smile wider at the semblance of fairy tale endings.

(To top it all off, the fashion in the movie is quite a visual feast. My favorites have got to be Carrie's Vogue photo shoot and the shoes! The pictures would just have to speak for themselves.)






What makes us willingly go through this emotional rollercoaster of Sex and the City is the fact that we can relate to certain aspects each character... or that we can relate to what they're going through. This is why it's a very good idea to watch the movie with your girlfriends, although I'm pretty sure there were a lot of guys in the theater to get greater insight to the female mind... and the sex (the scenes, of course, were unceremoniously censored out and that pretty much negates so much of what the movie is about).

And for the record, I think I do analyze the hell out of things like Miranda (pros and cons list, anyone?), but deep down, I've always felt I was more of Carrie -- neurotic, passionate, and with a flair for shoes. So, which Sex and the City character are you?

I was thinking of writing something profound and neatly sublime tonight, but with research work piling up, the wires and gears inside my head have gone haywire and refused to function properly. So, in lieu of a myriad of words and ramblings that seem to head nowhere, I will leave you with the source of half my happiness (the other half shall remain to be a secret, adequately locked, and buried in the depths of the sea until I say so):


It's the hair, it's the smile, and more importantly, the voice. Yes, Rina, nobody will beat the sexiness of Chris Daughtry lying on the ground and singing, but hey, David Cook has more personality and charisma than him. Plus, David Cook is a word nerd. I think we're bagay. Haha!

(This is long overdue. I know, I know. I just have a lot on my plate lately, and I finally found quiet time to write this down.)

I wasn't quite sure if I would write about this. Despite the fact that I can probably write about anything and everything under the sun, I always struggled when it comes to writing content that I find too personal for public consumption. It always goes through the process of internal debate first. Then I figured, hey, it probably deserves to be shared.

I had a chance to catch Pedro Valdes' "Bulong" during it's unofficial screening (the academically apt term for it is "thesis defense") three weeks ago (yes, this is really long overdue). The truth is, it wasn't exactly a plan cast in stone, given that work normally ties me up until the late hours of the evening and that there was no way I would traverse the city streets to go to my school. Interestingly enough, certain things unfolded earlier in the day, and I found myself in a daze, hopped onto my car and braved the traffic jam to get to UP.

So what does this have to do with "Bulong"? Put it this way, I made direction-less self follow where the road will lead to, only to end my night with something that I needed to hear. (I never thought I'd write this, but really, God works in mysterious ways.)

The premise of "Bulong" is simple. It's a story of a man named Julio who hears a voice in his head, which challenges him to break free from the cookie-cutter world that he knows, where everyone lives to conform, to stay put, and to accept without question. As with anyone who has been fighting for what they believe is right, Julio realizes it's a difficult road ahead, since nobody, not even his wife (the beautifully pain-stricken Grace), believes him.

What makes "Bulong" more than your usual Film student's output (wait, let me correct myself, it's a lot better than the commercial crap we're used to seeing) is that it was masterfully done, with careful attention paid to the little details of a parallel world. Moreover, one can feel the intensity of the characters' emotions, and yes, as with any work of speculative fiction, it asks "What if?" and leaves the audience to find their own answers.

I guess what moved me about it is that it mirrored a lot of my internal struggles (like I said, I needed to hear the message). The situations may change, but the lessons stay the same.

When I said I was initially apprehensive about writing this, it was because I felt it was a rather personal experience that I didn't want to share. Then again, I am reminded of what art means. Art is the creative expression of a significant human experience. But beyond simply being an expression, art can also serve to touch, to move, and to inspire. If it can do that to another person, then there's really no reason why such thoughts can't be shared. That now creates a new meaning that adds to the value of the artwork.


* Photo mooched from Mr. Valdes.
** You can still catch Bulong this Saturday, 8pm, at Fully Booked High Street. (Oo, shameless plugging na ito.)

I'm listing down ten things that recently made me happy, as commanded, nay, tagged by Ethel:

1. The five-day break. This afforded me time to not think about things that have been occupying my mind lately. For those of you who know me well enough, you know what I am referring to. Those things do not even merit mentions in this space. I've flooded your instant messaging windows enough. Haha.
2. The smell of new books. I figured I needed to get some new material to devour. I got Ian McEwan's "Atonement" and Khaled Hosseini's "Kite Runner." The best part is that I got 20% discounts off each book.
3. Aimless driving. Good Friday was spent driving smoothly from Antipolo, Rizal to Mabitac, Laguna. Not much room for reflecting if you're the driver. Haha. Before Friday, I have had no idea about Mabitac at all. I was just following the smooth road until my mom told me to turn around already. How's that for some bonding?
4. Re-discovering sunlight. One of the things I usually lament is that I hardly get to be under the sun anymore. I re-discovered that at a particular time of day, sunlight flows into the window on the shower area of my bathroom. Sunlight illuminating the human form is magnificent, almost godly.
5. Tubby. My favorite godchild is a precocious child, and she never fails to amaze me. This is probably my maternal instincts kicking in (haha, who knew I even had any?), but watching a child discover the world is quite a blessing.
6. Friday's. I usually have severe objections to American food, but Friday's remains to be a top favorite. Because we no longer eat there as often as we used to, it was quite a treat. Besides, the best part is that they have "lighter" and "healthier" food. Haha.
7. Pirated DVDs. 'Nuff said.
8. Food at Madre Perla. My great-grandaunt Lola Nimfa makes the best molo soup. I swear by it. Ultimate comfort food.
9. My girls. They never fail to cheer me up, no matter the circumstance.
10. Taking a risk. My friends have been telling me to do something that... let's just say that I probably wouldn't have done it before. I don't know what hit me, but I just did something that I have a good feeling would pay off. I'm keeping my fingers crossed on this. (I hope you do too.)

***

On a sadder note, why are a lot of people getting into accidents these days? Leo got into an accident, and even my ninang's husband's dad got into an accident as well. (Both last Thursday, both somewhere up north.) The worst kind of news was the kind that I got this afternoon when Blooey texted me to say that a classmate back in sixth grade, Queenie Orqueta passed away because of a car accident. (OK, I received the message while driving, so that sent chills down my spine.) Thanks to Ikay, I found a news article regarding the incident: http://www.abs-cbnnews.com/storypage.aspx?StoryId=112763.

I wasn't very close to Queenie, in fact, she caused quite a headache among class officers back then. The girl was quite the extrovert, but you can't fault her for that. Of my vague recollection of her, I remember a petite girl who has quite a bundle of energy, always grinning from ear to ear. She used to sit two chairs away from me, when the class was alphabetically arranged. I may not have taken more time to get to know her, but I certainly don't think she deserved such kind of tragedy.

If anything, this news shakes me. I may not be the safest driver I know, but this will definitely remind me to be more careful. Life is too precious to have everything instantly cut to black.

Failure is (still) not an option.

Hoy Donald Ngwe, make sure to throw a huge-ass party since you passed Columbia University on a full scholarship (PhD in Economics, no less)! You rock!

It was about a week ago when a visibly shaken, teary-eyed Jun Lozada appeared before the Senate to testify regarding the botched national broadband network (NBN) project, which involved, among others, Chinese firm ZTE Corp., former Comelec chair Benjamin Abalos Sr., Joey de Venecia III, former Socioeconomic Planning Secretary Romulo Neri, and (clincher) First Gentleman Mike Arroyo.

I don't know about many of you, but I believe Jun Lozada. I think that it would have been easy for anyone to just merely accept a hefty amount to shut up about what they know. I believe this man took the more difficult path to make the truth known -- at the expense of his safety (and possibly his life), as well as that of his family's and all those dear to him. Something told me this is what "ready to die for the country" means in this day and age.

When he uttered his first few sentences, punctuated with nervous pauses and cracks in his voice, something told me that Jun Lozada had one thing that many high-ranking government officials did not have: sincerity. For all the administration's efforts in trying to improve its image, it never communicated that it was genuinely concerned with the people's welfare. If we try to compare in quantifiable amounts what each Filipino gets out of the administration's projects/programs as opposed to the kickbacks that political sponsors receive, there's probably no comparison at all. I honestly do not know if anyone buys the administration's efforts of cleaning up graft and corruption in the system, because as far I'm concerned, they're the ones that continue to propagate the ills in the system.

As I write this now, there's a big rally being staged at the Makati Central Business District (and I found time to write this because I'm already at home), with groups calling for the resignation of President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo. I don't know if this will really lead to drastic change. After all, as long as the President can continue to say that she is good for the economy or that she maintains the loyalty of the military's top brass, there's not much change that will probably happen.

That's what's most frustrating about all these. Here we have one man who has put his life on the line to speak the truth, yet there's no change that that will lead to, primarily because we've been brainwashed to think that there's nothing that can be done about it. At the end of the day, the situation boils down to this: Here we have certain public officials at their most garapal over kickbacks, and public reaction to it is on mute?

The administration has tried to discredit Jun Lozada, going as far as exposing alleged anomalies in the Philippine Forest Corp. Lozada admits that he may have been part of what he called a dysfunctional government procurement system, but that he'd like to salvage whatever is left of his dignity. Yes, speaking the truth can also mean that you are ready to own up to your wrongdoings. I guess my respect level for the man inched a notch higher after that. If you are ever looking for a hero, here is one. He may be not be the perfect do-gooder, but he recognized what was wrong and dared to face the most powerful.

I am optimistic he is not fighting this fight alone.

Oh boy. I really, really, really hope this man does something right. (Bold fonts mine.)

***

I’d like to start by thanking a lot of people who expressed their sincere sympathy for the family. I’d like to thank them first, so many of them. And in Tagalog, nagpapasalamat po ako sa lahat ng nagpahayag ng pag-aalala sa akin at sa sampu ng aking pamilya.

Ako po’y nagtawag sa pagpupulong na ito upang mabigayan ng liwanag. Madami kasing mga katanungan ang bayan ukol sa proyekto ng NBN-ZTE na ito.

At upang huwag na sanang mapilitan pa yung iba, marami nang mabubuting taong napilitan pang magsinungaling dahil sa akin. Hindi naman sila kasama rito, napipilitan pa silang magsinungaling. Ayokong maging dahilan na magkasala sa Diyos at sa bayan kahit sinoman. Ayoko ho iyon.

Mabigat po sa aking damdamin ito at isipan, ang aking gagawin. Ngunit kailangan kong gawin ito para sa kaunawaan, para maliwanag na ang isipan ng bayang ito na lubhang makaka-apekto doon sa kinabukasan nila.

Ang aking ilalahad na mga salaysay ngayon tungkol sa ZTE-NBN ay yung mga bagay na ako’y may personal na ginampanan, the things that I’m involved with. And I’m going to say this with malice to no one.

Wala ho akong malisya kahit kanino man. Ang sasabihin ko ay kung ano lang ginawa namin, at kung ano ang nangyari.

Introduced to Abalos

To my recollection of events, I’ll start off the first time I was introduced to this project by Secretary Neri, monitored action to Chairman Ben Abalos. I guess if it was not late September, early October I was introduced by Secretary Neri to Chairman Ben Abalos in Wack-Wack together with his entourage sina Ruben Reyes…and the ZTE president Yu Yong and Fan Yang. We had lunch in Wack-Wack wherein we talked about the NBN-ZTE.

I remember that the Secretary told Chairman Abalos to course his project proposal to the proper channel. NEDA received the first copy sometime in October…prepared by…All questions were referred back to Asec Formoso.

When the Secretary gave me a copy for me to review, the first three that really caught my attention, when I was reviewing the financial cost, the financial projection were based on… September 20, 2006 issue wherein they were quoting how much government was spending for telecom expenses…

…So, I told the Abalos group, through their guy Leo San Miguel, that they should revise their proposal. They should fix it and try to avoid the education part of it, because there’s already a cyber-education project.

Abalos wanted $130 million

Sometime in November, that was the time that I also met Joey de Venecia, to see the presentation on a similar project but on a BOT basis. And at that time, the Secretary asked me if the project was appropriate for NBN.

Until we presented the project proposal for the NBN. And the Secretary asked If I think it was appropriate and I said yes, so he encouraged Joey to push through the project development further.

And when the Secretary asked me if there was a synergy between the two projects I said, yes. But both of them were pitching for the same project. The Secretary told me to reconcile the two proponents. And at that point, it was really a good project.

At that point, when the Secretary told me to reconcile the two proponents, I immediately went to work and proposed one tool for the two proponents wherein both of them can achieve both of their objectives. Joey’s objective was to do a BOT with government, which was completely above board, and then Chairman Abalos’s objective was to do a loan, a project on a loan basis.

So the project structure that I proposed was that Joey becomes the lead contracting party to the government, it’s on a BOT basis anyway. And that Abalos, to achieve his objective of supplying, becomes supplier to Joey’s project.

I thought at that point it was already a win-win situation for everyone involved. The government gets its NBN project, Joey gets his BOT project, and then Abalos gets his supply comes up.

So, at one point I got them already to do their own thing. It’s finished. But I guess the trouble started when Chairman Abalos wanted to protect his $130-million… how shall I put this…commission on the project. So dapat daw proteksyonan ‘yong $130 million, (before) we agree that Joey become the main proponent.

'Bubukol po ito'

At that point, I just felt that…it might be a little too big, in the vernacular sabi ko bubukol po ito, sabi ko siguro kalahati pupuwede. But nonetheless I relayed the information to Joey, because it’s going to be Joey’s project anyway.

And Joey’s reaction was really like ballistic, parang he was worried, saan n’ya kukunin itong $130 million na ‘to, because the project cost is $262 million, and Abalos wanted $130 million na komisyon. So sabi ko sa kanila, hindi ko problema ‘yan, that’s your problem.

So at that point, I don’t know if the listener can realize how much money all of these are na pinag-uusapan…$130 million…At that point, I was telling them na problema n’yo na ito basta you make sure you’ll get this thing together because we don’t want another Atong Ang or Chavit Singson scandal to rock this country. I also made it very clear...na basta maayos lang.

ZTE's advances to Abalos

Sometime in December, the ZTE rep, si Yu Yong at saka si Fan Yang, who get quite close to me, along the progress of the work, were already getting frantic and talking to me about developments in the project, because they’d already gave enough advances daw to Chairman Abalos. So, sabi ko sa kanila, the project is moving along, they should not be alarmed.

So, it was also at this point because of Joey’s hesitance to agree on the $130-million commission, that Chairman Abalos started considering doing the project on his own, deretso na siya.

Ang sabi ko ho sa kanya na hindi ho puwedeng de-deretcho kayo, kasi ang kabilin-bilinan ni Secretray Neri, na yun din ata ang utos ng Presidente, na this project can only be done through a BOT basis, hindi puwedeng utang.

'Tawagan natin si FG'

So I was standing firm on that, na hindi talaga pupuwede. At that point, that was the time that Chairman Abalos said, halika, tawagan natin si FG. So, sabi niya, nung tinawagan niya, pare nandito yung taga NEDA sa tabi ko, hindi raw puwedeng i-utang yung project ko.

I cannot hear the voice from the other end, pero sabi n’ya, kung ganyan kayong kausap, and the Chairman continues, kung ganyan kayong kausap, ang hirap n’yo palang kausap, kalimutan n’yo na lang ang usapan natin.

I don’t know what that meant. But the following day, totoo nga, a letter from the Chinese ambassador came addressed to the government, and… with Mike, stating that this is already December.

'Moderate their greed'

You can check this with the records. I’m just doing this through my own recollection. But if you can check sometime December, a letter addressed to Mike yata, came in from the Chinese ambassador saying that there is now money available for a loan, for the NBN project, independent of the cyber-education project.

Kasi yung cyber-education yun ang napag-agree-han na ilo-loan na. Ngayon there’s another loan na naman na puwede na rin yung NBN i-loan, it was sometime early December.

So, I told the Secretary about it, Secretary Neri. And his instruction to me was very clear, sabi n'ya, Jun, you moderate their greed. I was naive to accept that order. I do not know what moderating greed means, but I followed Secretary Neri.

'Pare, okay na kami sa NEDA'

And due to the insistence naman nitong mga taga ZTE that the project gets going, Chairman Abalos invited us sometime on the third week of December, I’m pretty sure of the timing, over dinner in Makati Shang-rila. He asked to invite Joey as well, kasi si FG will be there with us.

Actually the First Gentlemen did not say much, except that Chairman Abalos told him na pare okay na kami nina Joey, ok na kami sa NEDA. (and the FG answered) Ah, ganon, mabuti naman, okay na , okay na.

So, I’m just narrating to you with no malice intended. Whatever that means, kayo na po ang bahalang umano.

And on their trip to China, I did not join them anymore, and I guess Joey can speak omn what happened in China.

Like the North Rail

Sometime in early January naman, Secretray Neri again invited us for lunch with Abalos in Edsa, in Makati-Shangrila in a Chinese restaurant together with Yu Yong and Fan Yang, the ZTE, and the Chinese commercial councilor. At that point, the Chairman again was making the impression that the project is already a go. May be there was parallel trust…because…(but) it was not yet a go.

So there was some negative reaction from the ZTE person, and the Secretary noticed some awkward moments there, and then he immediately ask a leave, and said that he had to go, and asked me to stay behind.

Chairman Abalos and the ZTE guy were in curious exchange of words, because the ZTE people were like demanding from Chairman Abalos that he promised that the ZTE deal will be done on a loan project under the North Rail. I don’t know why they speak about the North Rail. I don’t know why they speak about the North Rail. They keep on mentioning ala North Rail terms loan agreement.

'Alam mo bang…?'

So, that was last meeting I had with the Chairman. And on January 18, I remember the date very well. This is the only date that I can remember because this was the date I said bye to the project.

I was then in Dumaguete in Negros, together with Henry Teves, when Chairman Abalos called me up, to some like early evening, and asked me questions like, “Alam ba ni Neri yung ginagawa mo, (I said) Opo. Alam ba ni Neri yung ginawa mo. Opo. Alam mo bang malapit ako sa military. Opo. Alam mong malapit ako sa intelligence. Opo. Alam mo namang malapit ako…

And then he started cursing. Mura siya nang mura in Tagalog, lahat-lahat. At ang sabi niya, nandito sa akin yung CD lahat ng phone conversations ninyo nina Joey, mga hayop kayo, tina-traydor n’yo ko.

I don’t know what gave him that impression..but the fact, that they said I know the week 17 in ISAPF can do that, which Chairman Abalos and Ruben Reyes are …close to, I was not surprised.

So, I just took with a grain, and then Chairman Abalos ended up…his words with, “Huwag kang magpapakita sa aking hayop ka sa Wack –Wack o sa Mandaluyong at ipapapatay kita."

That’s when all my troubles started. So, I quit the project. I told the Secretary that I don;lt think this project is worth risking my life for. All I did was trying to help the Secretary understand it.

So on February 2007, the executive order was issued. So this is now my personal participation ended and where it ended for the project concept.

From $262M to $329M

In February 2007, an EO was issued by the Office of the President, transferring the telos, the implementing agency to DOTC. And on April, the project… the NBN was approved…at $329 million.

When I quit the project, the project cost was $262 million. So it was approved. I don’t know what happened then. I’m not imputing anything now. But when it was approved, it was already approved at $329 million. And the day after it was approved, the President together with PagCor officials, went to China to witness the signing of the agreement.

This project for me is one transactional example of a dysfunctional government procurement, a systemic dysfunction on how we procure projects. There are other more that have escaped scrutiny, but ganun din ang sistema. And I have agonized over this decision...

Ang dasal ko lang sana maintindihan n’yo yung dusang dinananas ng pamilya ko ngayon. Ang dasal ko lang sana matutunan na natin after nito na ang salitang Pilipino ay hindi lang tumutkoy sa isang pamilya. Ang salitang Pilipino ay tumutukoy sa isang bansa, ang bansang Pilipino. And sometimes, it’s worth taking a risk for this country.

Source

I read this article by Cito Beltran in today's issue of The Philippine Star. The text can also be found here. While the comments on the webpage violently disagree with what Mr. Beltran wrote (non-UP students/alumni, perhaps?), I find more than a nugget of truth in his words. For a fellow Iskolar ng Bayan, this is a good read.

***

If not I, then who?
CTALK By Cito Beltran
Monday, January 28, 2008

UP or the University of the Philippines is often criticized for producing nothing but politicians and Godless activists. One group steals the peoples’ money or the peoples’ democracy while the other waste tax payers money by creating more chaos or fighting the police and the military in the hinterlands.

But from where I stand, UP has raised many but little appreciated individuals who have contributed not only in terms of professional expertise but even more in speaking out for an ideal or against a social or political injustice.

Every school, university or educational institution has raised their own share of “good citizens” but historically speaking, UP has trained more outspoken citizens or bold individuals who willingly risk personal comfort or professional persecution because their training makes it unacceptable to turn a blind eye or simply join the silent majority.

The average UP student cannot avoid being confronted by the questions: “Kung hindi tayo; sino? Kung hindi ngayon; kailan?”

“If not us then who? If not now then when?” I am told that those were the words of a courageous activist known as Voltaire Garcia. I have come to know many more men and women such as him during the many years I spent at UP.

Some of them were brave idealists who did not wait to graduate from the University. They took the message and spoke out. Others went to the streets and protested, while a few unnamed warriors took up arms and paid with their lives. The rest of us were just waiting for our time.

We were not all brave. We were not all idealistic. But in time and presented with the need and the opportunity just about everyone speak out or did something. It may be at PTAs, Barangay meetings, court rooms or board rooms or in front of the cameras. Because of our “outspoken nature, we are called Rebels and rebellious.

Hardly! I dare say. Plain and simple rebellion does not solicit respect from people who gained entry into an institution that accepts you because of your intellect, reasoning and not your parents’ wealth. Rebellion draws no crowds among an interdependent culture known for logic, excellence and organization.

We do not speak merely of our opinion as everyone seems to be obsessed in doing in today’s culture of “My opinion.com” or “Bloggers anonymous@Gaggle.com”. No it is not about opinion but about conviction.

We speak out against social and political injustices we learned and understood from our probinsyano batch mates who lived lives in hardship and poverty. We learned the realities of life and politics from our teachers and professors who cared to mentor us while they gave up opportunities to teach in exclusive schools and earn enough money for a house, a car and a better social status.

The opinions we formed were created by living in a real community. Not just an academic community but one where government employees lived in temporary  conditions until they were no longer part of the system and therefore no longer qualified to live in the university grounds. That is as real as it gets.

As real as living in an academic community invaded and assimilated with squatter colonies, infiltrated by rebel scholars as well as deep penetration agents and military Intelligence officers in training and subject to the egos, politics and sexual disposition of government officials and politicians.

We live it, we breathe it. It is the way we pay back all the real tax payers who partly paid for our education. It is the commitment we made when we became “Iskolars ng Bayan” that we would give back to UP and to the Philippines. Some of us manage to speak out and even fight the injustices. Some of us manage to give or achieve solutions that hurt or damage our society and some unfortunately excelled at damaging our society and continue to do so.

This is why we have become the worst critics of government and of politicians. We are not rebels we are merely the enemies of those who betrayed the nation and the people.

We are not Godless because if we were, why would we fight and risk life itself for such godly things as truth, justice, equality and freedom. Why would we despise the corrupt and the brutal who embrace evil with pride and arrogance? We are called Godless by those who have replaced the true God with compromise and commerce. We are condemned by those who speak from ignorance rather than intellect.

As a people we have either suffered in silence or lashed out in rage. Too many Filipinos willingly express opinion but not their conviction. They find satisfaction of their civic duty by expressing opinion rather than acting and speaking with conviction. Opinion is but an organized collection of thoughts and emotions. Opinion is relative to time or something for the moment.

Conviction involves wisdom, passion, commitment, and action not just for ourselves but for the greater or collective good. Speaking out is merely a consequence or as a result of our efforts and commitment to a cause, a standard or a way of life.

Often “Speaking out” is already “Action” in itself. By speaking out we oppose unacceptable doctrine or behavior. By speaking out we educate or warn others. By speaking out we teach others of a better way or thinking. Commitment requires action not just sound. Speaking out is not just for the moment. We do so when needed not when we feel like it.

So next time you decide to express yourself, ask yourself if its just another opinion, if it’s someone else’s opinion or your true conviction. Then you’ll understand the significance of the “Oblation” a man who can stand before men and God naked but unashamed.

So I stepped out of the shower, only to be greeted by the news that Heath Ledger has been found dead in his Manhattan apartment. There's speculation that it may have been caused by an overdose of sleeping pills.

Heath's death comes a week after news of Brad Renfro's death came out. Oh dear, what is happening to the pinup boys?

Edit: I don't know about you, but I will always remember him as all-black-clad Patrick Varona crooning, "You're just too good to be true, can't take my eyes off of you..." on the bleachers, making a fool out of himself for Kat (Julia Stiles) in "10 Things I Hate About You".

Here's something saddening for all of us who grew up with BOP magazines in the mid-90s. Brad Renfro has passed away. Honestly, I'm not quite surprised with the news, knowing that he has a history with drugs and alcohol. It's just really kind of sad to know that the boys you used to tack on your walls or cover your notebooks are passing away, one by one.

As corny as it sounds, there goes a portion of my childhood. (Yes, we were boy-crazy even before we were teenagers!)

One of my biggest realizations lately is just how infectious the Downward Spiral can be. It begins with the dissatisfaction/frustration/general state of unhappiness of one person, which bounces off to other people and creates a ripple effect that magnifies the spiral if the concern is mismanaged or is not addressed.

Contrary to popular belief, the Downward Spiral does not just come in the form of extended wallowing in self-pity. It also comes in the form of believing that one is too indispensable (translation: I'm too important, so y'all better sit back, relax, and watch me whine), when the reality is just the opposite: wake up, the world will continue to move without you. It also comes in the form of extended ranting. I hate this and that; this and that and so on are so wrong -- but one will never stop, pause and think if s/he is the root cause of the problem.

Don't get me wrong. I don't see anything fundamentally wrong with ranting, whining, and wallowing. These are, after all, coping mechanisms and forms of therapy. The problem arises when either nothing productive/corrective is done afterwards or one just chooses to not snap out of the negativity. The common characteristic of all forms of the Downward Spiral is the general state of "Can't!". There is just simply a refusal to see what can be seen by the people who see the glass being half-full.

The key word is "choose". As with so many things in this world and in this life, how we go about our day-to-day existence, our relationships, our businesses, and everything else under the sun is governed by choices. One can choose to drown further in the Downward Spiral or one can choose to go Upward and Outward.

For the benefit of those who do not know, the Upward and Outward model is represented by something that closely resembles the representation for the Big Bang. As its name suggests, it's a disposition connoted by looking upward and outward -- by being positive, by seeing the good in people and situations, and by seeing possibilities.

Is this a lecture? No, not really. It's more of a reflection and a reminder. I guess it's also my way of starting the new year right (in terms of my online presence, at the very least). You might think what my right is to say all this baloney. Just like every other person, I also get my moments of being down in the dumps and feeling like a mere scrap of humanity. But these are just moments -- technically, one and a half minutes -- and after that, you have no choice but to just bounce back. No way to go but up.

A friend (which shall remain nameless at this point, but she knows who she is) recently wrote about the good (such as the value of getting to know your family) that she has realized and learned after months of being transplanted to the other side of the world. It is this kind of story that inspires and one that you and me would probably like to listen to instead of the barrage of ranting of hating this and that and how life (or work or whatever) is difficult.

As my friend Tere puts it, "Suck it up and take it like a man." (Not to be of disservice to the feminist movement or anything, but just shut up and heave your ass.) As my mom puts it, "You weren't raised to think you're kawawa, so don't ever think that." (Oh believe me, I've seen the drama.) As my boss puts it, "Focus on problems, not solutions." (If you are presenting a problem, make sure to bring in proposed solutions as well.)

So there, kids. Just a good dosage of reality pills, love pills, and happy pills to drink with your (leftover) champagne to usher in the new year from your Ate Mika!

Today, I was once again reminded of why I love my job and why I chose to stick it out for the last two years despite the long hours and constant brain activity on overdrive. Sure, my last two posts on my Livejournal have been my outlets to relieve myself of all the stress, tension, headache, and caffeine overdose. Today, I once again realized why I do what I do, in the manner of how I do it.

You see, I've been working on something that had to be presented today to the Department of Energy (DOE), and it was basically a comprehensive media audit on renewable energy for the past year. Since Secretary Reyes was expected to give a response to the presentation, the timelines were moved earlier. What was normally done in six months, we finished in two weeks. If that isn't superhuman, then I don't know what is.

Let me backtrack for a bit. For those of you who don't know, we're pushing for the passage of the renewable energy bill. This measure will provide for the development of the country's renewable sources of energy such as geothermal (we're the second largest producer of geothermal energy in the world), solar, hydro, wind, ocean, and biomass. It proves to be a viable alternative to fossil fuels -- after all, we need to be more conscious of the kind of world we are going to live in ten, twenty, fifty years from now. If that's not enough imperative, how about being at the mercy of the constant increase in prices of oil? Don't even get me started on what kind of a bitch that is.

Anyway, going back to this morning, after my boss presented the results of our audit, Secretary Reyes went up to the podium to give his reaction. Instead of reading the ten-page speech his staff prepared for him (and I'm pretty sure a lot of effort was also put there), the Secretary stated that he was "overwhelmed" by what we had presented and that a reaction to such kind of a report needs to come "from the heart." My gosh. That kind of a reaction from the country's Energy Secretary is more than what I can ever ask for for the two weeks of labor (more like sweat and blood) that I helped contribute to this exercise. That, I feel, is the best kind of validation that one can ever hope for.

I was talking to Undersecretary Santos of DOE today, and he asked if we were activists. I guess the question stumped me -- I wasn't sure if I was going to say, "Heck, you'll never see me rallying with banners and placards in this lifetime." But hey, I never thought I'd say this before, but I'd think I'm a different kind of activist. Let's just say I do my advocacy work a wee bit differently from what an activist in a traditional sense of the word does. (Different strokes for different folks.)

So yeah, this is why I love my job, despite the constant nags from everyone else who loves me (haha) that I am such a workaholic. I guess I really do work for something bigger than myself, and knowing that you really can help change the world is the best kind of compensation for someone like me.

Let's face it. Growing up in the 90s was much cooler than growing up today. Here's something that made me nostalgic. Haha.

1. What year were you born in?
1984

2. Did you ever watch Sineskwela?
Wasn't Sineskwela the show that had an annoying version of the alphabet song? I liked Batibot better. Nobody beats Pong Pagong and Kiko Matsing.

3. Backstreet Boys or NSYNC?
Honestly, these are the only two boybands I can stand. I'll take Backstreet Boys over N*SYNC any day though (sorry JT, I never liked you -- I liked Lance, but we all know his story by now). Yeah, blame it on a certain person who wished to remain nameless who believed he was the 6th Backstreet Boy. Haha.

4. Did you watch S Club 7?
Um, no.

5. What was your favorite, Sandlot or Little Rascals?
I actually have those two movies on Betamax (hello, vintage!). While I've memorized the lines of the Little Rascals ("he-man woman haters club!"), I count The Sandlot as one of my all-time favorite movies, no matter how masculine it is! I think I was the only person who had a crush on Tom Guiry back then.

6. Did you ever have light up sneakers?
Nope. My brother did though. His was even called "Dino-Lite," you know, the shoes that light.

7. What was your favorite thing about recess?
Playing "Pass the Message" with our big barkada and everyone had code names. I can't figure out though why they called me Lola Basyang.

8. Cedie o Sarah?
Sarah! I loved that! I'm referring to the book and cartoons, though. (But of course, Camille Prats and Angelica Panganiban will always be Sarah and Becky, respectively, to my eyes. Haha.)

9. Did you wake up really early just to watch cartoons on Saturday morning?
Yes. The best thing about cable back then was the i channel, and it had non-stop cartoons.

10. What was your favorite holiday?
Christmas! Those were the days when you can ask for something expensive and get it. Haha.

11. Did you ever try to stay up on Christmas eve?
We always did! To open presents!

12. What grade did you like the best?
Grade 4 and 5, I suppose. Those seemed light years away, but my gosh, over half those girls, I still keep in touch with!

13. Ninja Turtles or Power Rangers?
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles! Yeah, I can name them: Leonardo, Donatello, Raphael, and Michaelangelo.

14. What Power Ranger were you?
Err... I think I always identified with the Pink one. No girl wanted to be the Yellow one. The same is true for Bioman and Maskman.

15. Did you ever own a chinese garter?
Yes! I used to jump it even until level 4 (waist). I think I did better on Chinese jackstones though. Haha!

16. What was your favorite thing to eat?
Dirty ice cream, popcorn, whatever was sold outside Gate 6 (junk food and softdrinks, because they're banned inside St. Scho)

17. What was your favorite color?
Blue, I think.

18. Barney or Sesame Street?
Sesame Street! Barney is so cheezy weepy ("I love you, you love me...")

19. Do you ever miss being a little kid?
Of course. Being an adult sucks. Haha.

20. Did you wish you were older?
When I was in Grade 3, I wished I were in Grade 5. When I was in Grade 5, I wished I were a high school junior. When I was a high school junior, I thought I'd give anything to be a Prep student again. That still holds true.

21. What was your first pet's name?
Donatello. He was a turtle.

22 . Who was your best friend in kindergarten?
Titay, and she swears I'm the only person who calls her that today.

23. Are you still friends with the person you were best friends with in the 3rd grade?
Of course.

24. Where did you live when you were 9?
Merville. I'm still here.

25. What was your all time favorite movie?
The Mighty Ducks. Seriously.

26. Which did you like 'Are You Afraid Of The Dark' or 'AHH! Real Monsters'?
"Are You Afraid of the Dark"! Haha! Nobody makes those kinds of shows anymore.

27. Did you watch Rocko's Modern Life?
Yes, my cousins indoctrinated me to Nickelodeon in the US.

27. Who was your favorite Rugrat?
Angelica Pickles! She's so annoying, I love her!

28. Did you own pogs?
Nope, but I did get a lot of those for free.

29. What about a tamagochi?
Eek, no. Give a me those Tetris handheld games instead. Haha.